Don't you just love all the emails that get sent around the world? I received one today called 'My Wife'. I just loved it and thought I would share it with anyone out there, so here goes:-
"My Wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go out to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds, her's is in London and mine is in
Bristol.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary." Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands, if I let go she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and an electric bread
maker and doesn't use any of them. Then she said "there are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair, but she won't use that either.
Remember. marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically 100% of all divorces start with marriage. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "what's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.
In the beginning God created the earth then rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested."
I expect, in this completely PC (politically correct) obsessed country, that some of you may be offended by the comments above, but all I can say is 'Tough - you didn't have to read it', and please no complaints from any women libbers out there as I don't want to hear the complaints - lets just have a laugh and enjoy!
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Thursday, 16 July 2009
NEVER PROMISE A CHILD ANYTHING!
This week has been an interesting week in the Troy household. Many, many months ago we promised Troy Junior (TJ) that we would buy him a Wii if he got straight 'A's in this year's school report. We only made the promise as we thought we were making a really safe bet - a 'we couldn't lose' situation. Well this week TJ walked out of school with his brown envelope addressed to 'The Parents/Guardian of TJ' (all very politically correct!). TJ wanted to open it immediately, however we wanted to drag out the suspense so told him we would open it when we got home, "Ugh" was his reply, said in a way that only eight year olds can say "Ugh".
We got home, made a cup of tea and then the three of us sat round the kitchen table. I opened the envelope, I read the report, I looked at the grades, I smiled. As each subject came up I actually wasn't sure whether to cringe or smile. I wanted to cringe as, to my great surprise he was heading towards getting a Wii, or smile as I was, as some people would say 'Gobsmacked' at what I was reading. I got to half way down the second page with a feeling of panic that Troy and I were soon to be 'financially bankrupted' by the purchase of a Wii, when suddenly before my very eyes up popped the grade 'B'. 'Oh thank God for that' I thought. We were saved from bankruptcy! Never before has the letter B had such an affect on our finances!
TJ was quite saddened by the fact that he wasn't going to get his Wii, but we said that seeing as he had done extremely well in his report he could choose something else that he would like, not so expensive, and I knew exactly what that was going to be, and it was,...Lego Police City.
Troy and I are very happy as our son had an excellent report and we aren't bankrupt! TJ is equally as happy with his Lego City...with no further mention of having a Wii.
No doubt though the Wii will now on his Father Christmas list!
So the moral of this story is never promise a child anything that in reality you are not prepared to get them!
We got home, made a cup of tea and then the three of us sat round the kitchen table. I opened the envelope, I read the report, I looked at the grades, I smiled. As each subject came up I actually wasn't sure whether to cringe or smile. I wanted to cringe as, to my great surprise he was heading towards getting a Wii, or smile as I was, as some people would say 'Gobsmacked' at what I was reading. I got to half way down the second page with a feeling of panic that Troy and I were soon to be 'financially bankrupted' by the purchase of a Wii, when suddenly before my very eyes up popped the grade 'B'. 'Oh thank God for that' I thought. We were saved from bankruptcy! Never before has the letter B had such an affect on our finances!
TJ was quite saddened by the fact that he wasn't going to get his Wii, but we said that seeing as he had done extremely well in his report he could choose something else that he would like, not so expensive, and I knew exactly what that was going to be, and it was,...Lego Police City.
Troy and I are very happy as our son had an excellent report and we aren't bankrupt! TJ is equally as happy with his Lego City...with no further mention of having a Wii.
No doubt though the Wii will now on his Father Christmas list!
So the moral of this story is never promise a child anything that in reality you are not prepared to get them!
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
FIRST PASSPORT AT 71 YEARS OLD!
I was listening to Terry Wogan's morning radio show on my way to work yesterday and a listener had written in about her mother.
Her mother was 71 years old and was applying for her first passport. She had been born and bred here in the UK but she was still 'required' to attend an interview in order to ensure that she was eligible for a UK passport.
Before the interview her husband had reminded her that she just needed to answer any questions honestly.
So off she went to the interview.
During the interview, which to her had seemed to be going on and on and on with mind blowingly dumb questions, she asked the interviewee if she could ask them just one question. The reply was 'yes of course'. Then followed the question:
"Why is it so hard to get out of this country when it is so easy to get into it?"
The interviewee was unable to answer!
The interview was then 'wound up' very quickly and the lady was finally allowed her UK passport.
Her mother was 71 years old and was applying for her first passport. She had been born and bred here in the UK but she was still 'required' to attend an interview in order to ensure that she was eligible for a UK passport.
Before the interview her husband had reminded her that she just needed to answer any questions honestly.
So off she went to the interview.
During the interview, which to her had seemed to be going on and on and on with mind blowingly dumb questions, she asked the interviewee if she could ask them just one question. The reply was 'yes of course'. Then followed the question:
"Why is it so hard to get out of this country when it is so easy to get into it?"
The interviewee was unable to answer!
The interview was then 'wound up' very quickly and the lady was finally allowed her UK passport.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
ONLY IN AMERICA!
I had to laugh at an item of news this morning, it wasn't the item that was funny it was just the fact that it could only happen in America!
Someone decided to organise a low level flight of the Presidential Airforce One jumbo jet around New York City...followed by a fighter jet! Why you may ask, well it was for an all important 'photo shoot' of the plane to get good photos of it against the New York skyline.
Can you imagine the poor people on the ground or in skyscrapers and what they must have been thinking as the Jumbo banked steeply around their city followed by a fighter jet. What memories the scene must have brought back to thousands of people.
I, and I imagine many New Yorkers, didn't find the stunt particularly funny, but what I did find amusing was the fact that there is some numty in a highly paid job sat in their office who actually had the idea to fly a jumbo low across the New York skyline. Have they not heard of 9/11, did they not see any of the news as the shocking events of that day unfolded, and have they not seen any details of that day since then?
The 'photo shoot' was around half an hour long, and caused the evacuation of a number of buildings.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg later made a statement saying that he was 'furious'..how polite can the man get. He also described the whole event as being in 'poor judgement'.
Lets hope that the person who organised the photo shoot and all of those who approved it get fired.
Someone decided to organise a low level flight of the Presidential Airforce One jumbo jet around New York City...followed by a fighter jet! Why you may ask, well it was for an all important 'photo shoot' of the plane to get good photos of it against the New York skyline.
Can you imagine the poor people on the ground or in skyscrapers and what they must have been thinking as the Jumbo banked steeply around their city followed by a fighter jet. What memories the scene must have brought back to thousands of people.
I, and I imagine many New Yorkers, didn't find the stunt particularly funny, but what I did find amusing was the fact that there is some numty in a highly paid job sat in their office who actually had the idea to fly a jumbo low across the New York skyline. Have they not heard of 9/11, did they not see any of the news as the shocking events of that day unfolded, and have they not seen any details of that day since then?
The 'photo shoot' was around half an hour long, and caused the evacuation of a number of buildings.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg later made a statement saying that he was 'furious'..how polite can the man get. He also described the whole event as being in 'poor judgement'.
Lets hope that the person who organised the photo shoot and all of those who approved it get fired.
Monday, 6 April 2009
GRUMPY OLD SOD!
I have recently come across a website, which if you are feeling a little fed up with life is worth going to have a look at. It is really very amusing but not always politically correct. So if you do take a look please don't come back and blame me if you have been offended by it!
There are words used in it that children really shouldn't see. Unless you are more liberated than myself as to what you let your children see, I wouldn't let them see it!
I can't say I agree with all their comments but there are some very amusing ones!
The website is: http://www.grumpyoldsod.com/
If you scroll down the left hand side they have a section called 'W----r of the week' (rhymes with anchor!). This has been very amusing in the past.
Hope you enjoy your visit to it.
There are words used in it that children really shouldn't see. Unless you are more liberated than myself as to what you let your children see, I wouldn't let them see it!
I can't say I agree with all their comments but there are some very amusing ones!
The website is: http://www.grumpyoldsod.com/
If you scroll down the left hand side they have a section called 'W----r of the week' (rhymes with anchor!). This has been very amusing in the past.
Hope you enjoy your visit to it.
BIG BROTHER - TAKES A BREAK
As you know from my blog I have been following 'events' with regards to the Government's ContactPoint database.
The latest news on this database, from articles that I have recently read, have had the following headlines:
"Security flaws hit child protection database again" and "A quarter of official databases fall foul of the law, say experts"
The ContactPoint database oversees EVERY child in England. There is no effective opt-out and inadequate security. The database is in disarray after significant security flaws were uncovered. Its launch has been delayed after local authorities discovered loop-holes in the system designed to hide the details of children.
It is the third time the introduction of the database has been delayed, cost to date £224 million, and there have been fresh calls for it be be scrapped. I will vote for that idea!
It has been described as "almost certainly illegal" by the Joseph Rowntree Reform Trust.
The latest setback emerged when it was found that files were being generated automatically by feeds from central government databases. This meant that if a child's details had been hidden (an option ONLY available to 'vulnerable children' at the Councils discretion) copies of their personal details were still on the system.
This whole database seems to be yet another complete and utter waste of Tax payers money, but I suppose one positive thing is that it is keeping people in jobs!
The latest news on this database, from articles that I have recently read, have had the following headlines:
"Security flaws hit child protection database again" and "A quarter of official databases fall foul of the law, say experts"
The ContactPoint database oversees EVERY child in England. There is no effective opt-out and inadequate security. The database is in disarray after significant security flaws were uncovered. Its launch has been delayed after local authorities discovered loop-holes in the system designed to hide the details of children.
It is the third time the introduction of the database has been delayed, cost to date £224 million, and there have been fresh calls for it be be scrapped. I will vote for that idea!
It has been described as "almost certainly illegal" by the Joseph Rowntree Reform Trust.
The latest setback emerged when it was found that files were being generated automatically by feeds from central government databases. This meant that if a child's details had been hidden (an option ONLY available to 'vulnerable children' at the Councils discretion) copies of their personal details were still on the system.
This whole database seems to be yet another complete and utter waste of Tax payers money, but I suppose one positive thing is that it is keeping people in jobs!
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
I LOVE MY NEW WASHING MACHINE!
After the sad passing away of our old washing machine, which we think was around fifteen years old, we recently took delivery of a new machine.Our old machine had given us long and reliable service and we were reluctant to replace it but our washing was just starting to smell like the sewage works!
This weekend I had a bit of a disaster with our new machine. The manufacturers recommend to use liquid wash, which they supplied initially, and I used up. Being very pleased with the washes I had had to date, before the stuff ran out, I went to the supermarket to replace it. It was then that I found out how much it cost.. I bought traditional washing powder!.
At the weekend I used the washing powder and the machine didn't like it!. Our clothes came out caked in soggy washing powder. They did smell fantastic though. Clean! I felt like one of those sad women on the adverts when they get excited over the smell of their washing. I could almost see little butterflies, and pink petals flying round my kitchen!
Realising that the powder and the machine were not going to get on together I again went off to the supermarket. This time, unable to find 'liquid' wash I bought some wash 'gel'. I was partly persuaded by the fact that it washes at temp's from 15degrees. I wasn't thinking 'green' but just how much money it might save in electricty not having to heat up the water.
In went all the clothes again but this time with the gel. The gel, according to instructions had to be put in the machine and not in the powder drawer. At the end of the wash the clothes came out...this time they were caked in a slimy gel!. I then hand washed them!
I have just put a coat and some sheets in to wash, with the recommended amount of gel. When I went to check the machine it was full of bubbles, with no clothes insight. I am now waiting for the wash cycle to complete to see what has happened.
So will the washing be caked in slimy gel, or just in big white bubbles? Watch this space
How hard can washing be!
This weekend I had a bit of a disaster with our new machine. The manufacturers recommend to use liquid wash, which they supplied initially, and I used up. Being very pleased with the washes I had had to date, before the stuff ran out, I went to the supermarket to replace it. It was then that I found out how much it cost.. I bought traditional washing powder!.
At the weekend I used the washing powder and the machine didn't like it!. Our clothes came out caked in soggy washing powder. They did smell fantastic though. Clean! I felt like one of those sad women on the adverts when they get excited over the smell of their washing. I could almost see little butterflies, and pink petals flying round my kitchen!
Realising that the powder and the machine were not going to get on together I again went off to the supermarket. This time, unable to find 'liquid' wash I bought some wash 'gel'. I was partly persuaded by the fact that it washes at temp's from 15degrees. I wasn't thinking 'green' but just how much money it might save in electricty not having to heat up the water.
In went all the clothes again but this time with the gel. The gel, according to instructions had to be put in the machine and not in the powder drawer. At the end of the wash the clothes came out...this time they were caked in a slimy gel!. I then hand washed them!
I have just put a coat and some sheets in to wash, with the recommended amount of gel. When I went to check the machine it was full of bubbles, with no clothes insight. I am now waiting for the wash cycle to complete to see what has happened.
So will the washing be caked in slimy gel, or just in big white bubbles? Watch this space
How hard can washing be!
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